What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”