How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
What is a koala’s favorite pop singer? Koala Rae Jepsen. Her most popular song? “Koala Me Maybe”.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.