How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
Something’s goat to give.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!