What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
Why was the Whale bank heist so successful?
Because it was a whale orca-strated plan
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?