What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."