What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe