Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.