The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.