Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.