My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.