What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”