What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.