Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.