What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.