My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
Why was the mosquito sad on christmas?
It was a bah hum bug.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict