What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!