Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.