What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !