Animal Puns

Animals and puns are two terrific things. Put them together and things get really punny!

Animal Puns

How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What did the queen bee say to the naughty bee? Beehive yourself.
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!