Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?
Buoyant!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.