What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.