How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
What is a good place for bat jokes?
A public bat room.
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.