I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? Because it's not fast food.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
Whatever floats your goat.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.