What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.