What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.