What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!