Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.