What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
You have goat to be kidding me.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.