A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!