What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.