Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.