Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.