What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.