What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?
A drama dairy.
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.