When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
It’s the fawn of a new day! - said the deer happily after waking up.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!