Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.