How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!