How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs? He logged in.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.