What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What's a camel's favorite part of a meal?
Desert!
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.