What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.