What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.