How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
Where do gorillas go to after work?
The monkey bars.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.