I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.