What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What do you get if you cross a lobster with a telephone?
A snappy talk.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.