Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
Don't worry, bee happy!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.