What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
What does a chocolate crow say? “Cacao!”
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.