I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.