Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.