What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.