Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.