Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
You must be the Easter Bunny, because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."