My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What's a camel's favorite part of a meal?
Desert!
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.