You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Goat milk?
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.