Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.