What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
What's green, green, green, green, green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!