Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Q: How does a tiger stop a video?
A: By pressing paws.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.