What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.