Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
Hit the hammer that judges have and says “worm court is in session”. Then says
“All writhe”
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody