Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!