When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.