What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.