What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.