What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.