What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.