Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.