What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.