What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.