Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
What happened when the koala house party got a little too far out of hand? One of the neighbors koalaed the cops.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.