What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.