Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.