What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"