Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.