Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody