Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.