What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
Hit the hammer that judges have and says “worm court is in session”. Then says
“All writhe”
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.