Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.