How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.