Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.