Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."