Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.