Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.