What does a chocolate crow say? “Cacao!”
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.