What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.