Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.