What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
It’s the fawn of a new day! - said the deer happily after waking up.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.