Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
What’s the difference between a worm and pumpkin?
Have you ever tried worm pie?
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.