Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
What kind of deer make great weather forecasters?
Rain-deer.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.