Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.