Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.