Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
I goat this.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.