What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!