I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.