What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.