What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.