How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
I asked what the lion in my wardrobe was doing.
He said it was Narnia business
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.