What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Noah’s Shark.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell?
An alarm cluck.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.