My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.