Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”