Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.