What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!