What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
Something’s goat to give.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...