What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.