What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.