Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!