Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.