Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.