Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What do chickens call school tests?
Eggs-aminations.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!