Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.