What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.