What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What do crows read? Cawmics.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.