Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you? By the dinosnores.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!