All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.