What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
My lobster's name is:
Claude
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.