What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
You have goat to be kidding me.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.