What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus!
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.