My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
Goat milk?
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.