Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.