Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.