How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.