A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.