Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.